The Things I Wish They Told Me...

I am entering into my NINTH month of my healthy lifestyle change, and what a rollercoaster it has been. I want people to know that this process has NOT been easy. I mean people have told me "you make it look so easy", "do you even struggle at all?", "well we know Brooklyn will push the most weight" and I want people to know especially young girls who are trying this process, that I struggle too. I am going to be real in this blog. Going to be bold. But I just want to get it out of the way now; God has given me grace to overcome what I am going to talk about. Everyone can talk about their successes but not everyone can talk about their struggles and where they have stumbled. I feel called to share my story so that girls will understand that they are not alone. And for some of you this is going to be shocking that it is coming from me. Let's be honest, I was shocked too that I struggled with some of these things.

1.) STARVING YOURSELF IS. NOT. WORTH.  IT.

Never did I think that I would of struggled with this. Before my journey started I struggled with being a binge/closet eater. When I started my journey never once did I think about starving myself. In the beginning the weight was falling off quick, I lost 15 pounds in my first month, and I was happy with my results. Sure there were weeks that I wouldn't drop in weight like I expected or wanted. But I knew that was part of the process and Kendra always stressed to me that starving myself was NEVER going to benefit me, and would never be an option when training with her, but I am human and I stumble. As more of the weight came off, I came to a season where I plateaued. Talk about mind games. I was doing everything right and nothing was happening. I had a prom dress that I needed to fit in to and knew that prom was going to be here in a blink of an eye. So month 6-8 of my journey was pretty rough. The thoughts creeped in and pretty soon not eating was something that I thought about often. "If I only eat lunch, how long will that fuel my body?”, “will I be able to make it through the workout"...these thoughts consumed my mind. Never in a million years did I think I would give in, but I did. So for a couple days I tried it. Not eating so I could have a good weigh in. I’m just going to tell you now, in the end it screwed me over. The weight came back just as fast, and for a few weeks I gained weight. Plus the thoughts that came along with that were overwhelming. "I'm not good enough", "you knew this weight loss thing wasn't going to last", "might as well just quit now". I truly believe God opened my eyes, and going through another struggle led me closer to Him. He showed me that the enemy is going to try and win you over. Telling you thoughts that are not true. Telling me that I can't do this. And I am not beloved, but God's word obviously tells me that I am. The enemy was making it 100% harder to put those rice cakes in my mouth to get my carbs in. But the more I strived to listen to God and what He had to say about me, I am worthy, He made me, He looks at me and sees me as perfection. The thoughts slowly faded and I was able to get back on track. By no means did I deal with a case of anorexia, but it made me think of the girls that do struggle with anorexia and what they are going through. The suffocating thoughts that constantly fill your mind, girls know that this is going to happen. The thoughts are going to come. But God will catch you and pick you back up. Steady you as you walk through a tough season. (Psalm 40:2) A weight loss journey is more than physical training, but also training your brain to love your body. But please know, starving yourself IS NOT WORTH IT. Let me tell you some days are going to rough. Putting that fork to your mouth is going to be the hardest thing you face. But when you lean on God, He is going to carry you through, and make it easy to eat. Make it easy to get all of your meals in. It's not going to be easy at first, and through your walk of a healthy lifestyle the starving thoughts are going to come back. But my God is powerful and is more than willing to take those thoughts away if you ask.

2.) THE MIND GAMES ARE GOING TO COME...BUT THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT

I was trying to explain to some girls the other day how mentally challenging this journey can be. You can receive all of the support in the world and still feel insecure about your body. Especially since you live in your body every day, it is harder for you to see the changes your body has made. Know that your eyes can be deceiving. Listen to a compliment when someone gives it to you. Trust me this is probably the thing I am struggling with the most right now. How do you take a compliment without sounding cocky, or rude that you didn't acknowledge it? I always try to acknowledge the compliment. But sometimes it's hard especially when you don't believe them. So I'm going to apologize now for anyone that thinks I am not grateful for a compliment that you have said to me. It truly has been a struggle for me lately to respond to them. But please know that every single compliment or word of encouragement that people have said to me stays in my heart and most of the time those encouraging words are the things that keep me going. The mind games are such a struggle.  But then again I have a good, heavenly father that tells me that those thoughts are not worth thinking about. And being able to release those thoughts to Jesus is a refreshing feeling because He knows just the little pick me ups that we need to take them away. Girls, it is okay to take a compliment and it's okay if it is the best part of your day.

3.) THE SCALE NUMBER...IS NOT WORTH IT

For the whole eight in a half months I have struggled with this. Thankfully, praising the Lord that I have gotten better with it. Thanks to the constant reminder from Kendra. This number does not define you. It is literally just a number. It goes up when you gain muscles, when you are stressed, or even sometimes just to mess with those stupid mind games. I came to the conclusion that the less you worry about it, the more the number will stay the same or go down. At some point you are going to level out and that number is going to stop going down, while you start to lean out in other places in your body. But girls don't let this number define you. Look to the Lord to define you. He says you are perfection. You are worthy. You are His.

So to the people who criticized me of starving myself, I just want to say it is probably the most disrespectful thing you can say to a person who is changing their lifestyle to a healthy one. I spend countless hours planning my macros (carbs, proteins, fats) every Friday night or Saturday so I can have a successful week. To the people who say I don't struggle, I do. And I really hope that me sharing this with you all, lets you realize that everyone struggles even if you can't physically see it. The only, ONLY way I got through this was with the help of Jesus. I know this might be a shock to some people. This will be first time for many people hearing about my stumbles during my journey. Do I expect more to come my way? Absolutely. But I have no doubts that God will steady me through them. I wish someone told me this when I first started. So I want girls to know that it's okay to struggle with these things, and that on a journey like this you are going to encounter these thoughts. But don't let them make you quit. Make them be your motivation to keep pushing. Those people who doubt you let them be your motivation, because You are worth it.