2016...if I could describe it in a sentence it would be "a crazy roller coaster ride" but to be honest I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Looking back it is easy to say God was with me every step of the way, but in the desperate times where things were out of my control, questioning Him was something that I struggled with often.
One of the biggest challenges of 2016 was determining what I wanted to be when I "grew up" I am going to admit that I am a "planner" and to be honest some people say it is a great life skill to have, but I would have to disagree to an extent. Having OCD with planning is not always a good skill. The littlest things can throw my whole week off. When it comes down to it, 2016 has taught me to let go of the little things. If a change of plans come, just deal with it and move on. Let me tell you, this is such a work-in-progress type of change. You will still see me occasionally have a break down because things got messed up and I don't have my whole week planned out. (All my prayer warriors out there can pray for me on this on-going process) so to get on with me trying to know what I wanted to do, I asked and asked God what my calling in life was. And for MONTHS I didn't hear an answer. I even took 13 days of just relaxation and trying to hear His word on what I should do, but very quickly was I reminded that it was not in my timing but in His. During those 13 days we found out about my mom's tumor. When I found out about my mom's illness I put my priorities on the back burner and put all my attention on her. But in the midst of all the chaos this is when I heard God answer my prayer.
Nursing...I grew up always wanting go into the medical field, but I never knew what part. Through high school, I thought I wanted to do nursing but wanted to have it confirmed by God so I knew I was doing the right thing to glorify Him. To be honest when I found out about the tumor I did not instantly hear that I was called to be a nurse. It was actually the opposite. When my mom came right out of surgery I doubted God. Didn't think I was capable of being a nurse since I instantly broke down when I first saw her.(still to this day, I do not know if I would be able to do ICU nursing, those nurses truly have a gift to deal with really hard situations). How would I be able to take care of people when I cannot even take care of my own mother?Once I started to spend more days at the hospital and it was becoming more comfortable taking care of her that started to change. I found a passion to take care of people who were in pain and uncomfortable. Cleaning her incision, helping her walk, being there to talk to her to try and get her mind off the pain. God gave me the strength to persevere through the trial. If it wasn't for Him I can 100% tell you I wouldn't of been able to do it. He gave me peace when seeing her in pain and when I wasn't able to ease it myself. He gave me the strength to persevere through the next day when we were up all night long. I'd like to say for a full three months I had a newborn baby. He also gave me an unfailing amount of grace. Many days when I was on my own questioning why He would give me such a big responsibility to take on. God showed me that I didn't need to go through trials on my own. I could fall and He would catch me. He will stand by me on a sturdy surface every time I fall. During this time, there were days where I would just feel defeated, so one day I opened up my bible and Psalm 40:2 caught my attention. It states... "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." The overwhelming sense of "it was all in God's hands" came over me. God had already lifted me from my parents divorce, being "home less" for seven months, feeling unworthy and abandoned, and so much more... This verse was just another reminder that God was going to take care of everything, and that I did not need to worry anymore. I am happy to say this verse will be tattooed on me February 2017, reminding me daily that I don't need to worry because He is my steady rock that I stand on, and if I fall, He is going to be right there by my side to pick me back up and place me back on track.
After hearing Him answer my prayer I had a sense of peace that came over me...it's actually really hard to explain. I don't worry about the future anymore. God knows where I am going. He is going to open up doors and He is going to shut some. He is going to bring people into my life, and He is going to take people out, but it is my responsibility to lean into Him and His Word to hear what He is doing. I have found the more that I linger in Him, the more late nights and early mornings that I press into Him, the more peace comes my way and the struggle with questioning Him slowly has disappeared.
Now I am not going to say that this has all been easy, 2016 was such a trying year. With almost losing my mom to my new lifestyle change and everything else in between it has been crazy, but I would not of wanted it any other way. I learned that you don't need to be afraid to pray big and ask God to do crazy things. God is capable of doing some pretty miraculous things, we just have to be willing to ask, dwell in His presence, and listen in the silence that can sometimes be very uncomfortable. Most times when embracing the discomfort, this is when you grow the most... I can tell you that when I was sitting in the silence listening for God to confirm what I was suppose to do next, I was uncomfortable and frustrated, I wanted to hear Him right away and I wanted to know the answer in my timing, but in the midst of me being frustrated and uncomfortable I was able to learn patience. Not only has it helped me wait for other prayers to be answered but made me realize that God's timing is perfect and He will always prevail.
One of the biggest challenges of 2016 was determining what I wanted to be when I "grew up" I am going to admit that I am a "planner" and to be honest some people say it is a great life skill to have, but I would have to disagree to an extent. Having OCD with planning is not always a good skill. The littlest things can throw my whole week off. When it comes down to it, 2016 has taught me to let go of the little things. If a change of plans come, just deal with it and move on. Let me tell you, this is such a work-in-progress type of change. You will still see me occasionally have a break down because things got messed up and I don't have my whole week planned out. (All my prayer warriors out there can pray for me on this on-going process) so to get on with me trying to know what I wanted to do, I asked and asked God what my calling in life was. And for MONTHS I didn't hear an answer. I even took 13 days of just relaxation and trying to hear His word on what I should do, but very quickly was I reminded that it was not in my timing but in His. During those 13 days we found out about my mom's tumor. When I found out about my mom's illness I put my priorities on the back burner and put all my attention on her. But in the midst of all the chaos this is when I heard God answer my prayer.
Nursing...I grew up always wanting go into the medical field, but I never knew what part. Through high school, I thought I wanted to do nursing but wanted to have it confirmed by God so I knew I was doing the right thing to glorify Him. To be honest when I found out about the tumor I did not instantly hear that I was called to be a nurse. It was actually the opposite. When my mom came right out of surgery I doubted God. Didn't think I was capable of being a nurse since I instantly broke down when I first saw her.(still to this day, I do not know if I would be able to do ICU nursing, those nurses truly have a gift to deal with really hard situations). How would I be able to take care of people when I cannot even take care of my own mother?Once I started to spend more days at the hospital and it was becoming more comfortable taking care of her that started to change. I found a passion to take care of people who were in pain and uncomfortable. Cleaning her incision, helping her walk, being there to talk to her to try and get her mind off the pain. God gave me the strength to persevere through the trial. If it wasn't for Him I can 100% tell you I wouldn't of been able to do it. He gave me peace when seeing her in pain and when I wasn't able to ease it myself. He gave me the strength to persevere through the next day when we were up all night long. I'd like to say for a full three months I had a newborn baby. He also gave me an unfailing amount of grace. Many days when I was on my own questioning why He would give me such a big responsibility to take on. God showed me that I didn't need to go through trials on my own. I could fall and He would catch me. He will stand by me on a sturdy surface every time I fall. During this time, there were days where I would just feel defeated, so one day I opened up my bible and Psalm 40:2 caught my attention. It states... "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." The overwhelming sense of "it was all in God's hands" came over me. God had already lifted me from my parents divorce, being "home less" for seven months, feeling unworthy and abandoned, and so much more... This verse was just another reminder that God was going to take care of everything, and that I did not need to worry anymore. I am happy to say this verse will be tattooed on me February 2017, reminding me daily that I don't need to worry because He is my steady rock that I stand on, and if I fall, He is going to be right there by my side to pick me back up and place me back on track.
After hearing Him answer my prayer I had a sense of peace that came over me...it's actually really hard to explain. I don't worry about the future anymore. God knows where I am going. He is going to open up doors and He is going to shut some. He is going to bring people into my life, and He is going to take people out, but it is my responsibility to lean into Him and His Word to hear what He is doing. I have found the more that I linger in Him, the more late nights and early mornings that I press into Him, the more peace comes my way and the struggle with questioning Him slowly has disappeared.
Now I am not going to say that this has all been easy, 2016 was such a trying year. With almost losing my mom to my new lifestyle change and everything else in between it has been crazy, but I would not of wanted it any other way. I learned that you don't need to be afraid to pray big and ask God to do crazy things. God is capable of doing some pretty miraculous things, we just have to be willing to ask, dwell in His presence, and listen in the silence that can sometimes be very uncomfortable. Most times when embracing the discomfort, this is when you grow the most... I can tell you that when I was sitting in the silence listening for God to confirm what I was suppose to do next, I was uncomfortable and frustrated, I wanted to hear Him right away and I wanted to know the answer in my timing, but in the midst of me being frustrated and uncomfortable I was able to learn patience. Not only has it helped me wait for other prayers to be answered but made me realize that God's timing is perfect and He will always prevail.
Brooklyn you are inspiring me so much... I needed to hear this story today! Love you!!
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