I think I could speak for all the girls in the
world that we always have something about our bodies that we very much dislike,
and for a very long time I could say that I did not like one part of my body.
Ever since I was little I was over weight, most of you know this from my past
blogs, or if you were at my graduation party and saw all of my pictures from
birth to about seventeen. I got asked the question a few weeks ago if I am
"just in love with my body now that I am 13 months deep into my
transformation", and to be honest, my first response was no way, I have
goals that I still am chasing after, and this next goal that I have in mind is
keeping me on my toes and always challenging me in multiple ways. But right
after I answered the question with "I'm getting closer to loving each and
every part of my body" I caught myself thinking about that depressed 17
year old that never wanted to even step foot in the pool or even think about
going to prom her senior year. That little girl that always struggled with
binge eating, that girl who discovered her first ever stretch mark in
elementary school.
That day is still so vivid in
my mind, I was standing in the laundry room, took off my shirt, and there they
were, bright red stretch marks lined the sides of my waist. How in the world
could this be happening already, I was in the fifth grade, obviously never had
a child, and to be honest I did not even really know what made a stretch mark
appear...But obviously we soon figured out. To be totally honest, now thinking
about it as I am writing this blog, this was probably the start of my many
issues that I saw with my body. For the next six and a half years, those bright
red marks that creeped up my sides caused many many mind games. But let me tell
you after 13 months of choosing to eat according to my goals, those bright red
scars that lined the sides of my waist slowly faded to a light pink. Don't get
me wrong, they are still there, I still see them every day, but after these 13
months of slowly learning to love my body, I figured out that I needed to
choose to love every part of my body. Yes, having stretch marks that line my
arms, legs, sides and back is not what I had in mind for my 18 year old body.
But every day that I look in the mirror I am reminded that I earned these light
pink, fading to white tiger stripes. Let me tell you, the day that I noticed
the bright red faded to a fleshy pink was the first day that I truly recognized
how far I have actually came. May be shocking, but that day was only two weeks
ago.
It wasn't until two weeks ago
that I got the mindset to stop over consuming myself with body image. I'm just going
to let you all know now that I had been really struggling with body image again
ever since I got back from Seattle and my prom dress did not fit like it did
the day before I got on my flight to Seattle. I realized I didn't need to worry
about how flat my stomach was, or that I didn't have a thigh gap. I need to
focus in how far I had come, and truly I needed to put every ounce of focus on
my next goal. So two weeks ago I told myself to stop being so hard on myself,
which ended up inspiring me to blog about it. To share with you and girls all
over the world to stop being so critical with how your body looks. Stop
scrolling on Pinterest trying to find out how that model got the perfect body.
Stop stocking Victoria Secret Models on Instagram trying to figure out the
perfect pose to show off the right angle for your next selfie. I can tell you
right now, being a journalism student all throughout high school and attending
multiple photography conferences, Photoshop is a crazy tool that can make a
person look completely different. I can also tell you that almost every model
is photo shopped so stop being so hard on yourself.
Now, to the girl in back row of the
classroom, trying to avoid every girl in the school because she is so insecure
about how her body looks, and what other girls are going to think of her.
Weighing herself daily hoping that the number that appears will stop going up.
Eating only fruit, vegetables, and as little as possible because "that's
the only way" that the number is going to start going down. Going back to
binge eating because that is the "only" thing that she believes will
grant her the comfort she is looking for. First off, hang in there. You are and
always will be beautiful, you are Loved, you are Worthy. Believe it or not I
was there. I never thought I would be able to look in the mirror and love what
my body turned into. I never thought I would be writing a blog about how much I
adore my "Tiger Stripes" and how every morning when I look at my hot
mess self in the mirror and see those scars that line my waist and hips I smile
because it is a constant reminder of how far I have come and how I never want
to go back to my old lifestyle of living to eat and not eating to live.
It was a simple change in mindset that changed my
world. Are you going to let a simple scar that represents a battle between food
or obesity over consume your mind and tell you constant lies about your worth?
Or are you going to stop comparing yourself to others and believe that every
single battle wound on your body whether it is from an accident, a simple
stretch mark from carrying a child in your womb for nine months is a reminder
of how far you have come and everything you have conquered? The choice is
yours...
